Being single again

Well, for those imaginary people out there that read my blog and don't already talk to me on a usual basis, the news for this post is that my on-and-off girlfriend of 3 years has broken up with me, and I'm guessing this time we won't be getting back together. I won't go into details as to what happened, not that I haven't already let EVERYONE know in person, but I'll just say that I didn't handle my first time as a dump-ee very well. I'm still not really over it, and I hope she's happy with this new guy, Matt. He seems pretty nice, they've already been on a few dates and stuff, and she seems to really like him, so I guess all I can do is be happy for her.

ANYWAY...

Something I've sorta wanted to do is make a list of reasons as to why it is, in fact, a GOOD thing that I'm single. Just to sort of make myself be more positive about the whole situation. I'm not gonna lie, I was, and still am at times, pretty devistated. All I can really do is give it time, but maybe this'll help.

REASONS WHY I'M GOING TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT BEING DUMPED:

1. This isn't just better for me. It's better for all of the ladies out there who have been anxiously waiting for Laura to split the scene. And if you happen to be one of these babes, hold your horses. I'm not that shallow that I can just move on from Laura like that. I'll be holding auditions for the position of, "my woman" shortly.

2. Who doesn't want to be single? Single is like... the new black. Or however that phrase goes. I mean, c'mon, EVERYONE who is hooked up really WANTS to be single... I mean... even if that isn't true... I'm gonna run with it for the purposes of this article.

3. I am going to be saving a LOT of money. Not that I have ever minded spending money on people that I care about (friends, keep that in mind. I have a feeling I'm great to mooch off of) But still, this equation explains it.

Less girlfriend = less expenditure = gross income > net loss - (escrow + 5% APR) = more video games

4. I can do all of the things that being tied down by the wo'man did not allow for. Like, umm... all of the drinking I wanted to do? Too bad I already paid my commitment fee to stay in the Honors Complex after I got dumped, it's too late to get that apartment with all of the scantly clad females that they offered me... they said they'd cover my share of the rent, too. Something about me being irresistable, I dunno. Oh, and on a related note, I can't get yelled at for NOT doing things she wanted me to. Like when she'd get mad at me for not calling at 3:30 on the dot. I realize that it might be my fault if I happen to be in the middle of a lesson at that time, but no more of that.

5. IF anyone disliked my previous choice for girlfriend, well, I guess they're probably at least a little happy that I'm not hitched to her anymore. I remember my junior year when we first dated, I spent like all of my time with Laura, and all of my friends hated me for it. I can totally make it all up to them this summer... that is when I'm not working, etc.

6. I don't have to remember all of those important birthday and anniversary dates, like, uh... Sept...uary... twenty...two? I think that's when her b-day is... I know it sounds careless that I forgot so fast, but we've been learning about "Melody" in theory, which takes up a lot of space, and the place in my brain where I used to know that is now filled with information such as, "Pitches preceded by an accidental often function as chromatic tendancy tones, the accidental serving to create a half step between that tone and the next." Yeah.

7. No more fighting. Laura and I were and probably still are really stubborn, smart people, so we DID fight a lot. Not that I ever thought any less of her because of it, but I guess it's just a bit less stress that we'll both have to put up with. Thinking back, most of the fights were really pointless, like, her saying she didn't like someone or a political figure or something, and I would counter her point even if I didn't really know the facts very well, just because sometimes I found her to be overly negative about, oh, everything, and I didn't think it was really healthy for her to be so. Like most things I reflect back on, I went about it completely the wrong way, and I don't think it logically makes sense to argue with someone that you want to keep close to you. But I dunno. I make a terrible analyst of this sort of thing.

8. I can keep looking to find someone that works perfectly with me. I personally think Laura and I were an awesome match, but I mean, I can't really consider a girl that would dump me a week after I spent a ton of energy and money on her for Valentines day and told me that she wouldn't be breaking up with me any time soon a perfect match, now can I? Or someone who would tell me right to my face that the Loudonville High School production of The Music Man was terrible, just because I told her I disliked a play that she wasn't even involved in at all.

9. I'm hoping that maybe now that my heart has been utterly destroyed and that I've been dumped officially for the first time ever, maybe I can use it for motivation for self-improvement, which is something I have a disappointing lack of. I'd like to lose some weight, get more orgainzed school-wise, develop better social skills, be more outgoing, figure out what I'm doing for the rest of my life, and get at least half-decent at an instrument that's actually useful, like a guitar, a piano, or a banjo. Oh yeah. Scott's got the right idea, buying a ukulele.

10. In general, girls are sort of difficult to put up with. Which is really sad, because I think they're really cool. I'd say I'm downright attracted to them. But a majority of them do get awfully whiny at times, and not to mention moody. I guess that's also just a matter of finding the right match, though.

11. I don't have to put up with any annoying relatives or friends of hers. I liked her parents, even though I was always really nervous whenever I talked to her dad, especially because he is a pretty soft-spoken guy, and I couldn't understand her mom half the time, but her little brother was quite a handful. And she yelled at him a lot, which was kind of hard for me to take. I mean, he's only like 8, and besides, it's not her place to yell at her brother just because he wants to play a game with us.

12. I don't have to listen to The Killers. 'Nuff said.

13. I don't have to feel guilty for the breakup, because SHE dumped me, not vice-versa. I remember when I first broke up with her, I felt pretty terrible. I was crying, and it took me forever to tell her, because I was really emotionally attatched even when I knew we weren't going to work. She seems to be doing pretty well, though. I think she went about it the right way, getting a NEW boyfriend BEFORE you dump the old one. Can't beleive I didn't think of that one.

14. Umm... good blogging inspirational material? (I'm running out of ideas, but I want to stop on something nice and even, like 15. I know it's not even, but you know darn well what I mean)

15. Maybe we just weren't really meant to be. I mean, like I said, we've dated on and off and on and off and on and off again... and although I know a lot of relationships are like that and still end up okay in the end, what are the odds that the woman I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with would be in Loudonville? Slim to none, I'd think. It's only fair to her and me for us to get to see around, and heck, if we can't find anything better, then we'll know it was meant to be. Although, there's always the fear that this Matt guy is perfect for her and she's perfect for both him and me, but I'm not perfect for her. That's like having an extra puzzle piece for a puzzle that's a duplicate of one. You have to toss one, and it may as well be the one that doesn't fit as well. And even though someone out there is probably missing that piece from THEIR puzzle, what are the odds that they'll find it when you toss it in the trash? Once again, slim to none. but enough of that, this is supposed to have been a POSITIVE list.

Well, even though in my head, the negatives still outnumber the positives 10 to 1, I'm trying to make the best of it. I like to think I learned a lesson from all of this: when you first date a girl and you really like her and she's all you'll need, make her sign a binding contract that says she can't dump you. That way, even if things get bad, and she starts dating some other guy behind your back, and you fight a lot, you don't have to feel heartbroken like me because she has to still love you or you can sue the pants off of her for breach of contract. Man... why didn't I think of that before? Oh well, next time... next time...

So, yeah, I think writing this helped. I feel a lot better. Does that make me shallow or selfish or something? I don't know, but I feel like either way, I've gone through enough to deserve it. Plus, it was nice to have something I'm sort of energetic about to write about. I think this is the closest to my old writing style I've come to in a long while. But enough about me.

Ciao,

-Jimmy

Led Zeppelin is Good Stuff, and I guess Quakers are Frightening

Welcome, to all of you who, I'm sure, accidentally stumbled upon this humble blog. You're in for a real treat, I actually have some stuff I wanna write about. How fortionate for you.

So I had a very enjoyable weekend, for the most part. I auditioned for this new choral group a couple weeks ago here at Akron called A Capella Nuance, got accepted in, and went to my first practice on Friday. It's an all-male group that sings a capella music (obviously), so it sounds pretty sweet. I think that should all work out okay if I can get around to motivating myself to actually be responsible (a constant work in progress). As for now, I don't have time to get myself motivated, because I have a performance for this group on Thursday at "Guzzetta Idol" (A bizarre ideaofashow in itself that I won't get into here), so... yeah. I should probably get looking over that music...

Saturday, I sang in the Honors A Capella choir (I guess accompanied choirs are out of style nowadays) at a program for incoming freshman interested in the honors program. We did this once previously last semester, and it went pretty well, but I really didn't have a good feeling walking out of this one. Albeit, it was probably partially my own fault for missing the rehearsal last weekend, but overall, we were just missing a lot of people that I guess couldn't be there and things just didn't click. I was pretty embarrassed. The audience wasn't quite as responsive as I would have liked, and things just felt a little less solid. *sigh*. That's one thing I really don't like about playing an instrument- some days, you pick up the intstrument (unless you play piano or harp or something heavy like that) and it seems like an effortless endeavor to produce a sound of desireable quality, while other days you can hardly stand to play because things just aren't working. It really puts a damper on the festivities. That, combined with the on and off tendancy of my desire to get really good at singing or playing my trombone would be my largest hurdle to actually being successful this semester. But I think I'm getting a little too deep into my worries for a post that's supposed to be about my weekend.

So that didn't go so hot. The rest of the day, however, made up for it. My 'rents, Erin and Laura came on up to Akron and let me play host for the weekend. We chilled for a while, my parents got set in their Crowne Plaza Quaker Square hotel (more on that later) while Erin played her Game Boy Advance and I caught up with Laura. After that was all over with, I treated Erin and Laura to Starbucks, which was mostly just a ploy, because Laura loves Starbucks, a fact I will never understand, and I knew that they were not going to be keen on the idea of walking to the hotel in the ten-degree weather. Well, we persevered anyway, through a whole 10 minute walk of "It is so friggin' cold"s and "We need to walk faster!"s. I decided that, after the Thanksgiving Day Bowl here in Akron... well, nothing really feels quite as cold since then for some psychological reason. Unless maybe my genes mutated that day to adapt to the cold. I bet that's it.

Well, I've heard a lot about this Crowne Plaza Quaker Square hotel place. It's main selling point of novelty is that it's constructed out of old grain silos that were originally used to store oats for the Quaker Oats company. It all makes sense now, doesn't it? Anyway, It was kinda neat, a lot of rounded edges found here and there, and of course, the rooms were mostly round. A good idea and all, but in the meantime, Laura was freaking out about how weird quakers were, info I guess she learned in Government. I never really understood what exactly freaked her out so much about Quakers, but... I guess they must be scary. Although my father reassured her that the odds were that there weren't any Quakers in the hotel at this moment in time, and that it was just an advertising gimmick used in 1800s by the Quaker Oats Company, she was still really uncomfortable by the whole atmosphere of the place. Still, I thought it seemed pretty intense. I mean they have, like, a hotel, and a huge restaraunt filled with old, real trains inside that you can sit in to eat, and a ton of gift shops filled with comic books and retro posters and a whole room of humorous road signs, such as "The last car that parked here is still missing" and a bunch of "antique" crap that dad and I agreed we could probably make ourselves if we really, really wanted to, and a pie shop, and one of those old photography kind of places that dresses you up in pioneer stuff that you always see at places like Cedar Point and everyone claims that you'll get lice from, and ANOTHER restaranut place that was pretty big that we ate brunch in Sunday morning, and... who knows what else. Probably some secret rooms that the people who are still Quakers meet in and plot to destroy the evil in modern society... or whatever they did. Maybe I'm thinking of Puritains? I dunno.

After all that, we went to the main attraction: "The Music of Led Zeppelin, featuring The Akron Symphony Orchestra". It was pretty funny, there were a lot of people there wearing Led Zeppelin attire, looking rather Led Zeppelin-esque, and they were all very excited. It all started normally enough, but right before the first song, this guy a few rows behind us yelled, "Zeppelin!" and everyone started cheering. I'm not exactly the most experienced Led Zeppelin fan, I just have a few albums from Scott that I really enjoy, so most of the material was new stuff to me, but the ones I knew were really well done. Dad and I agreed that a lot of vocal backing used in the real songs felt missing from the arrangements, since it was basically just a guy singing every song a la Robert Plant with an acoustic guitar for some songs, accompanied by the symphony (including an electric violin, which I had never really seen before). So, all in all, it was a really good concert, and an equally good weekend.

As usual, though, I didn't do much schoolwork over the weekend, so... uh... maybe I should get on that.

-Jimmy

...And then, he crawled back up onto the face of the earth

Well, seeing as it's been, what, 2 or 3 years since I wrote a post, I figured I may as well do one now. I ended up reading over every single one of my previous posts (very nostalgic) and it put me in a really really good mood. It was then that I re-remembered my main purpose for starting this thing in the first place. Y'see, I'm a big memory-cherisher, and I remember starting this thing so that I could jot down anything I found paticularily important to me at the time, so that I could always just come back here and read up on it when it had eventually left my mind. A lot of times, it's easy for me to lose focus of that, when I concentrate on the fact that I have an audience (meager though it may be), not that that changes much. I honestly have to be in a very good mood to do any writing I find acceptable.

To be honest, I'd have to say that my mind's disagreement with being shoved into this unfamilliar place called college has definetly had an effect on all aspects of my personality, and in this instance, my writing. Unless I'm in a good mood, I seem to have trouble wording things in a way I really enjoy. As I was reading through all my past entries, I was really surprised to find certain little gems of wording or great ideas that I had forgotten. Surely, someone else had written these entries... my writing is not that creative. This made me happy, because I was actually, in a way, proud of myself for writing something that I enjoyed so much, but at the same time, I felt like my current writing skills are going down the drain. Kind of like how I often feel like I'm getting dumber already, hitting my peak intelligence at 16 or something... I don't know.

Anyway, I don't let it get to me. I've got plenty of other things already getting to me. I feel sort of bad about this whole college thing, because, quite honestly, I'm rather intimidated by everyone and even a lot of inanimate things here. I'm so accustomed to the small Loudonville feel, where I knew everyone, and always had someone around that I knew I could just shoot the breeze with and they'd be cool with it, or that would laugh at my dumb jokes. Here, you get ugly stares or, even worse, ignored in such an occasion, and it's rather depressing. I'll admit that most of the time, I probably give people permission to treat me the way they do, so to speak, but... I really just want to be a social guy who likes to joke around and meet poeple and at the same time, I don't want to seem overbearing or annoying to anyone. It's sort of causing an identity crisis of sorts, and it's like I'm telling myself I need to self-evaluate, but I don't know to do it.

Erm... I don't know if any of the above makes sense... it's sort of late... but I really wanted to post something, and even if it isn't acceptably coherent, I think it expresses my social frustrations here at Akron sufficiently. I should probably go to bed. I'm starting to confuse my thoughts more than I really enjoy. Ciao!

-Jimmy