Starting Over

Considering that I finally stayed here in Akron for a whole weekend, I figured I should probably spend some of my plentiful free time writing an entry. I mean, it HAS been about a month. I don't know how I can expect people to want to read this thing if I hardly ever update it, and when I do, it's very flippant updating. So I just want to let you frequent readers know that I appreciate you sticking to it even though I put you through all the hardships of checking here, only to see that nothing has changed. Must be frustrating, huh?

Well, I know I've said this before, but I'm trying to stay more organized here at college, and it's still a work in progress. I suppose some things, such as say, classes, are a little more on the priority of getting organized list than my blog. But, seeing as I spent a good majority of my weekend at least attempting to work on classes, I think I have more than enough room for a well-deserved entry.

I suppose first and foremost I should touch on what's been going on since my last entry... Well, the most prominent happening was the death of my grandpa, which has been really hard on the whole family. I'm not sure if it's for better or for worse that we knew that he was not doing well for a long while, but I know that that was the hardest part for me, being there (or NOT there, stuck at college) while he had his decline. I DO miss him, and I'm sure I will continue to, especially when all the family gathers back together for holidays and such and I start reminiscing, but like I kept repeating to people over and over again when I talked to them about it at school, calling hours, or whenever, my grandpa was a great man, he lived a long life, he helped out a lot of people, and really, you can't ask for much else out of life.

Lessee... the semester is almost over, which is awesome, because I am very ready to move on from the classes I have now. This always happened to me in highschool, where I would get more and more lost in my classes (especially and mostly math) and then I'd feel like I was so far behind that it wasn't even worth trying to get back on top of the pile. Well, now that's happened in pre-calc, but also (and more severely) in music theory. However, I've met up with both of my teachers out of class and gone over stuff I wasn't quite getting, and I think I've at least made it half way up the pile now. I guess my point is this: I don't want to end up worrying about the bottom of the pile next semester, and that was always what I said in highschool, too, so I'm worried, because it always happened anyway. My theory on what happens is that I get sort of ahead in my classes, and then I go on a comfortable automatic coast because I can, but then the coast continues into where I should be picking back up the slack again, and I continue to coast into territory where I can still get by acceptably well, until it's too late, and the information I was supposed to be learning has engulfed me to the point of no return. I KNOW that's what happened to me this year, because it's really easy for me to lay back and relax. I mean, I suppose to a certain degree it's okay to coast in some classes. Like my ear training class. I have a good enough musical ear that I can already distinguish between major, minor, augmented and diminished chords. I can tell the difference between a major and minor 6th. I can notate a rhythm onto paper on the first try. I don't really have much of a reason to sit at a piano for an hour practicing intervals when I could be spending it going over the difference between a suspension and a retardation (which, by the way, is still confusing me a little). However, when my mind first realizes that I don't really need to be spending time working on Ear Training, it skips the "work on Music Theory instead" part and goes to the "You don't have any work to do, relax!" part. And that, my friends, is not good. Not good at all.

It's not all my fault, though. Honestly, I have NEVER EVER felt like I have had less time to do so much than now in college. I don't know if time going this fast is just part of being an adult, or if the actual time continuum has hit a flux and has punished me with half the time to do stuff (This one's more likely), or if my mindset has just totally changed on life and everything just feels like it's going quick, but whatever the reason, it's almost sort of depressing. That's why I'm really looking forward to next semester, and Thanksgiving AND Christmas breaks. I really need that fresh start. However, will I step up to the challenge this time, or will I coast once again and let myself get behind? History DOES repeat itself, but I know that deep down inside of me somewhere, I know that I'd like myself more and have a more fufilling life if I jumped on top of that pile and said, "I'm staying here."